More Than a Little Rattled
by Legion of the 4 Seasons
Summary: Told after the end of ME3. Kaidan lied when he said his implant was just a little rattled, now he is ready to face the consequences. Oneshot. Shenko.
**A/N: I don't own anything Mass Effect related, it all belongs to Bioware.**

He never told her.

He never told her, and now she will never know. It wouldn't matter now though, she was dead. She died fighting the Reapers. She died like she wanted to, fighting, saving everyone. He just wished it was later in her life. But her being dead didn't matter either. He was depressed, yes, but not for long. He never wanted to bother her with all of the medical jargon because he didn't want to reveal what it really meant.

He was dying and he had been since the fatal trip to Mars. He was living on borrowed time.

His amp was a little bit more then rattled, and his condition was deteriorating but he never told her that, he didn't want her to be distracted. She had a galaxy to save after all. He had maybe a few days left. He could feel himself going, slowly slipping away from reality. The nose bleeds were steadily getting worse, they would come a couple times a day now, and the migraines became so unbearable that he didn't leave his room for a week once.

Today he was sitting by her favorite tree in Vancouver, it was on top of a hill that looked over what seemed to be all of Vancouver. The Normandy and her crew had made it back to Earth just last week. He was grateful for that. He had already heard the news about his parents. That they both died near the beginning of the war.

He watched the leaves lazily fall from the old maple tree, it was the one that they had carved their initials into. She said that she saw it once in an old 20th-century cheesy love film. It was her favorite time of year here. Where the leaves changed colors and the wind got crisper and chillier.

He ran his hand over her initials and blinked back the tears forming in his eyes. He leaned his back against the tree and slowly slid to the ground thinking of the last time he saw her.

 _He was leaning against Garrus heavily while looking at her. He didn't feel the pain or the loss of blood from multiple wounds that he received from the explosion. His nose had started to bleed again but it blended into his other wounds. He ignored all of this, even the crashing noise from the Reapers legs and the sounds of their lasers hitting the ground. He only had eyes for her, his love, the one he wished he could spend the rest of his life with. It was of course unlikely since he was probably going to die soon._

" _You gotta get out of here." She yelled over all the noise._

" _Yeah, that's not gonna happen." He wasn't going to leave her, he promised._

" _Don't argue with me, Kaidan." Her eyes were hard, she was in her Commander Shepard mode._

" _Don't leave me behind," He said weakly, with those words her eyes softened. She started to walk forward._

" _No matter what happens…" She kept coming closer and closer and he knew that she was going to say her final goodbye. "…Know that I love you. Always." She may have whispered it but he still heard it. She put her hand on his face. They both looked close to tears._

" _I…love you, too." There was no question about how they felt about each other but hearing it helped. Her hand slipped away from his face as she backed up. There was nothing he could do now. "Be careful…" He reached out his hand as if trying to feel her one last time. She looked behind her and saw that a reaper was powering its beam up again._

 _She looked back at him her eyes were once again hard. "Go!" she yelled and his hand fell to his side. Garrus helped him back up so that they could close the hatch. He watched as she ran toward the beam again. As the_ Normandy _lifted off he watched as she ran. Then the worst thing happened. The Reaper fired the beam…and she was caught in the blast._

" _NOOOOOO!" He yelled. He struggled out of Garrus' grip and limped as best as he could toward the closing hatch. He knew that it was too late but he couldn't help but try._

He never told her that he was dying…because he loved her.

The sound of crunching leaves brought him out of his thoughts. But it wasn't the regular way people stepped on leaves, like big crunching steps. They were light steps, the ones that you heard if someone was sneaking up on you. He got up from the leaves and leaned up against the tree. He tensed and got ready for any attack that might come, but it didn't. Instead the person stopped. Kaidan chanced a glance at the person that was behind him, but he wasn't prepared for what he saw.

"Hey, Kaidan…" His heart jumped into his throat. She looked the same as when he last saw her though she wasn't wearing her armor but her Alliance BDU's. Her flaming red hair was pulled back into her usual ponytail, the way that he liked it.

"Shepard…" She reached out her hand, her eyes were sad…yet happy. He grasped her hand, it wasn't cold yet it wasn't warm.

"Are you ready?" Kaidan looked back at the tree…their tree. He hadn't realized that when he got up he left his physical body behind. He looked back at the face that he never thought he would fall in love with 4 years ago. Time seemed to slow down, but then again how could it when it seemed that he was already dead. But thinking of being with his family again and with Shepard, he was okay with it.

He gripped her hand tighter, enjoying the feeling of it once again. He marveled at how it seemed to fit perfectly in his, just as it always had and always will.

With one final glance back at his body, he whispered the one word that would take him away from this life and into the next greatest adventure.

"Yes."

He lied, but now…now it's okay.


End file.
